Friday, January 23, 2009

10 Personal things: best gal pal Kendle has inspired me to post 10 brutally honest things about myself...why? I guess to put it all out there and know how it feels to be honest....
Here goes...if I offend you...well...get over it!

1. I have been struggling with my weight for years...I love to eat! I am a severe foodie...I always felt empty inside and tried to fill that void with food. I have been seriously battling this addiction for the last few months and have lost 61 pounds. It is a daily struggle with myself about what I am putting in my mouth.

2. I come across as judgemental. I don't mean to be. I have a quick wit and sharp tongue. My best friends know and love this about me...I can be brutally honest...but turns them off.

3. I have a severe issue with the "Relationship Issues" I was abandoned by my biological father at a young age and was emotionally and physically abused by my stepfather for years and molested by a family member for several young years.

4. I am recently divorced and during the seperation process I began seeing another man. I was emotionally neglected by my exhusband for years...I begged for counseling and he boyfriend was very helpful in my moving forward. I was married for 19 years, I gave my all to that...the only thing I would wait on getting into another relationship until my divorce was final. Less complications...LOL!

5. I am severely OCD on cleaning...yes...even my canned food are all in a row with labels turned out so all I have to do is open doors and look to see what I have....I am Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with a little ADHD thrown in for good measure...If you call me...9x out of 10 I am cleaning or organizing.

6. I snore...really badly, drives my boyfriend crazy...poor guy.

7. I am very closed off about my problems...I don't like to throw out my weaknesses or anxieties. I am trying very hard to tackle that this be able to ask for help and accept it.

8. I miss my kids so much I cry daily. They live with my Ex daughter the Goth Girl is almost 19 and my son...All American almost 17 and they want to reside with their father so they can finish school with their friends since kindergarten. I understand this...but it saddens me terribly...although I have made it a point to see them 2x a week with an 2 hour drive one is very difficult, but very neccessary.

9. I suffer from Depression. If you would have asked me even six months ago about how to handle depression I would have laughed and told you to get over having gone through this myself..I am in total awe and understanding of how terrible of a condition it is and how dabilitating it can be. I tried Cymbalta...made me like a zombie and the trying Paxil...much better and lots easier on the wallet. Its sad when the cost of the depression medication depresses you! LOL

10. I look in the mirror daily and find fault with myself...from a straggle hair on my chin to my hair on my upper lip to gray hair to weight that goes up and down like a roller coaster and my sex life which with me in my prime is driving me bananas!
Does it get easier...I doubt it....will I become less critical of my life or myself...Probably, honestly...NOT! I want to learn to accept me and my flaws...hmmmm...oh well...Whatever!

1 comment:

Kendl said...

You are a lot stronger than you think. You are an amazing person.