Wednesday, September 30, 2009

this has been an interesting two weeks during my BDAY....

I figured out....I need some ME time every day...just a bit. Also I have realized....there is dirt and mess...and it will keep..omg right! If you know know...that THAT is a huge revelation! relationship is NORMAL and really good! LOL
My Boy Toy (which now we are engaged really needs to be changed to THE TORCH) LOL... is a really great man...when my kids come up..he hangs out w/us, plays games....jokes...and tries to connect w/my kids on more than one level...
and no....he may not be MR.Romantic....but he is MR.Dependable and I love that about him. He does these small things for tries to make me laugh, texts me quite alot during day while he is at work, lets me control the remote control, never ever complains about the house or what I cook, goes out on my Bday and gets me THREE huge books about Wicca ...which he knows NOTHING about (he is Catholic) and makes plans to take me and the girls camping on his vacation...he is a great man. Period....
I have been reading a book by Silver Ravenwolf "Hedge Witch" that he bought me....I love it....making me realize....I have enjoyed complaining woe is me too long...I am stopping that here and now...head gloves across my pretty little witchy face....I WANT to have a happy, successful, emotionally, physically, sexually rewarding relationship with "The Torch" It Always works, Always Blessed. I find this new mantra...stimulating...and positively uplifting and when I say it I mean it and I SMILE...omgs I smile big time!
I am no expert on life, liberty or the pursuit of anything...but what I do that life is too short...too short to worry muck around and cry all the time....I won't be her.. I WANT better and I deserve it....It always works...always a mote it be.

BTW...had a fabulous BDAY! ;P

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Defect label

well....this has been such a long ass week. My feelings go up and down like some damn roller coaster at some amusement migranes are back and to top it off...I can't seem to quit crying....WTF!
I feel like I am in some sort of funk and can't get a grip on it and when i do...i slide back down again and cry some more. OMGS.....I don't know what is wrong with me.
I cook all the time, read and play with the girls and talk to my Boy Toy... but deep down...I know I am missing my BF girl time and also my two fabulous teenagers....stupid huh?
Plus...on some level I know it has hit home that this is my first Birthday this week since my divorce and on this planet....after a 19 year my high school sweetie...that is hard.
I am just putting it out write it...get it out...puke it up maybe saying it will do its work and figure out...I am still here, breathing and making it slowly along.
You know....divorce is so damn hard, even if you are the one pursuing it and for the most part me and my EX get along so well....but then there are the times, I think when our human side comes out and he will gash me hard or knock the wind out of me. It takes me a few moments to recatch my breath and stand up again, but the worst thing is this last time...I called him a name...hung up on was awful. I feel awful. I don't want to hurt him anymore in anyway and i did. WHY?
Sometimes....I think....I did him such a favor, leaving.
Then, I wake up and realize...I am is ok...he will be ok and our Beautiful kids are amazing and strong and capable....then I know I am ok....
funny thing is...after typing this I have quit crying...and seem to be better, now...only time will tell.
So, I will sit back on my shelf and be invisible while trying to hide this damn defective label on my back.

*Peace...I am outta here

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Being a better friend these days....

Over the last few months....I have visited many sites...joined different sites like facebook, myspace, witchforum and various others. But thru it all I have made a few TRUE friends, the type of friends who listen, care and follow you thru your life and ask the type of questions that let you know you matter and make a difference.
And my friends....Wolfbane from the UK (ML) and Army Hero in Germany (MB) and of course Sister Witch (AD) you know who you are....all of you have given me so much from friendship, to guidance to laughter....those items are precious and rare. I also have my two childhood friends Anastacia and Curly Sue (MI) who i hold so dear in my heart. I never seem to say the right things or give them thanks enough for being there for me through it divorce, my custody with my three neices and now my days of nothing but me....LOL.
The Goddess puts us on a path...guides us, but the choice of free will is very important her and the path however given to us they are....doesn't block the fact that there are others on this path there to teach us as, protect and uplift us...even make us go...hmmmmmmm as well.
I don't consider myself greater than the big picture, I don't think I am that strong but then....I have a bad day....sit alone and think....think woe is me....then i open my laptop and am reminded just when i need to be friends online and in about me.
I will tell is very lovely to have that...more important than any money, vacation or tv is true magick..the kind that is rare and powerful the kind that can lift a person up and make them better along their way.
My mission in this life is to be a better friend, not be so damn judgemental, say the right thing at the right time, have the kleenex there ready and to open my mind to new things.......
I don't think i have mastered these abilities right now.....and I keep flopping on the best friend things.....and you all know who I have flopped with...and I am so so sorry for my short comings.......May the Goddess guide me in my path and teach me new ideas.
May All my friends understand my flaws and accept me anyways...this is my mantra for the month...BE A BETTER FRIEND...cause my friends ONLINE or IN PERSON are The very BEST!! Many thanks and blessings to them and their families....May Isis guide and protect them everyday.